Words

Sometimes the words rattle around loudly in my head. They are in no particular order. Just many. I’m overwhelmed. They want me to write them. How can I, when I can’t follow or keep up sometimes? I’m confused. What do you want me to say? I’m frustrated. If you won’t be clear, be quiet. I…

I am out with lanterns looking for myself

“I took at the time, a memorandum of my several senses, and also of my hat and coat, and my best shoes – but it was lost in a melee, and I’m out with lanterns looking for myself.” Emily Dickinson I want to find myself, my 5 year old self said. Why don’t you go…

Everybody needs toilet paper

I write lots of notes to myself. I capture fleeting thoughts that make an impression on me on whatever is nearest: note paper, journal, receipts, my phone… everything. Often, I then forget about them. The one thing I do consistently is I date them. I will come across random thoughts that are years old from…

I didn’t fall out of love

I didn’t fall out of love. Not with you. It wasn’t sudden. It happened one cruel word at a time. One cold gesture at a time. One unkindness at a time. One exclusion at a time. One piece of mean “sarcasm” at a time. One lie at a time. One day… at a time. It…

I Grew up on Love and Survival

I’m awake. I woke up early this morning. Since I started boxing, my body aches too much to run. So I stretch and I breathe instead. I walk past a miniature rose bush sitting on an antique-style wooden box on my way to the bathroom. The box is a keepsake from a roadside artisan purchased…

Tell “them” I said I want to be too much

“If you can dance and be free and be embarrassed, you can rule the world.” Amy Poehler I was getting ready for a work dinner with some important grownups a couple of nights ago. I had my hands and thoughts on an extremely colourful, tea-length boob tube dress. I knew everyone else would be wearing…

Do you still believe in Love?

Do you still believe in love, my therapist asked. I opened my mouth but I didn’t say anything. It was dawning on me at that moment that I didn’t know the answer. “Can I think about it,” I said. “I’m not sure.” It was some time ago now. I still didn’t know the answer the…

A Deathless Death

I am sitting in bed alone. I am agitated. Words have been spilling out of my mind and spilling all over everything inside my head all day. A long, hot shower usually quiets them. Not today. I had no heart for a long shower. Still, by the time I come out of there, I had…

Untitled

“my heart woke me crying last night how can i help i begged my heart said write the book” Rupi Kaur Lately, my urge to write has returned with the force of a waterfall. A waterfall of words rushing over each other in my brain. Rushing to arrange themselves. Demanding to be written. Demanding to…