Butterfly

There is what we want and there is what we get. I want my transformation (my connection with myself) to be glorious, beautiful, and easy. I imagine a butterfly emerged from its cocoon; flying off into the sunset. Free, beautiful, above it all and never hungry again. The thing is, that first flight is not…

I write from my scars

If you sensor the story, you will never know what it was meant to be Danny Shapiro I write from my scars. I don’t recall ever writing anything sensible from a bleeding wound. One of the gifts of healing is the ability to write about the experience of pain clearly, authentically and coherently. The ability…

Red Flag

Red flag? What red flag? The one flapping in front of my face? Oh, I see. I see how you could be confused. It’s where you are standing. If you move right to where I am, you’ll see. You’ll see that it’s more cherry than red. In the right light, it’s almost fuschia. I will…

Words

Sometimes the words rattle around loudly in my head. They are in no particular order. Just many. I’m overwhelmed. They want me to write them. How can I, when I can’t follow or keep up sometimes? I’m confused. What do you want me to say? I’m frustrated. If you won’t be clear, be quiet. I…

I am out with lanterns looking for myself

“I took at the time, a memorandum of my several senses, and also of my hat and coat, and my best shoes – but it was lost in a melee, and I’m out with lanterns looking for myself.” Emily Dickinson I want to find myself, my 5 year old self said. Why don’t you go…

Everybody needs toilet paper

I write lots of notes to myself. I capture fleeting thoughts that make an impression on me on whatever is nearest: note paper, journal, receipts, my phone… everything. Often, I then forget about them. The one thing I do consistently is I date them. I will come across random thoughts that are years old from…

I didn’t fall out of love

I didn’t fall out of love. Not with you. It wasn’t sudden. It happened one cruel word at a time. One cold gesture at a time. One unkindness at a time. One exclusion at a time. One piece of mean “sarcasm” at a time. One lie at a time. One day… at a time. It…

I Grew up on Love and Survival

I’m awake. I woke up early this morning. Since I started boxing, my body aches too much to run. So I stretch and I breathe instead. I walk past a miniature rose bush sitting on an antique-style wooden box on my way to the bathroom. The box is a keepsake from a roadside artisan purchased…

Tell “them” I said I want to be too much

“If you can dance and be free and be embarrassed, you can rule the world.” Amy Poehler I was getting ready for a work dinner with some important grownups a couple of nights ago. I had my hands and thoughts on an extremely colourful, tea-length boob tube dress. I knew everyone else would be wearing…

Do you still believe in Love?

Do you still believe in love, my therapist asked. I opened my mouth but I didn’t say anything. It was dawning on me at that moment that I didn’t know the answer. “Can I think about it,” I said. “I’m not sure.” It was some time ago now. I still didn’t know the answer the…